Divorce. Abandonment. Molestation. Poverty. Child abuse. Life-threatening illness. Rape. Cancer. Death or Murder of a parental figure.

If you experienced any of these challenges as a child, it sucked.

I myself can check a few of these situations off of my own personal list of unpleasant childhood experiences.  If you were fortunate, social services came to your rescue; administered comprehensive mental treatment; kissed all your boo boos and helped to take the pain away. I didn’t have that type of idyllic childhood filled with psychologists and positive thinking.

So here’s a news flash that’ll save you years of therapy.

Once you become an adult, no one really cares about your old pain. And neither should you.

Sounds harsh, but if you are over the age of 18, very few people have the desire to travel back in time with you to relive a depressing memory. Maybe 2 or 3 of your family members and possibly your spouse will sympathize with you, but no one has the time or energy to revive your old pain and drama.

Most people are too busy trying to cope with their own issues.

Take 100 people and put them all in a room together and start questioning them about their childhood struggles. Believe me; some will have stories far worse than mine or even yours. Unless you want to enter some pathetic childhood story match game of pain, bury your trauma in the backyard of your mind. Fast.

Because, like attracts like.

I used to be a drama magnet. Because I carried a lot of my childhood pain around with me I either attracted people who were just as hurt as I was, or people whose sole purpose was to make me feel worse about myself. So how did I stop my childhood pain from influencing my future?

I let the good memories drown out the bad. I also became ruthless with my time, energy and personal space.

• I don’t speak about past situations that hurt me. Ever.
• Even though I practice forgiveness, I don’t socialize with people who caused me pain in the past.
• When someone mentions a bad memory, I change the subject and talk about a good experience.
• Everyday I practice living a peaceful life with my husband, our friends and our extended families.
• I create one new positive memory everyday so the summation of my life experiences are comprised of mostly joy and peace, to balance out past discomfort, disappointment and pain.

In no way am I trivializing my painful experiences or yours. The hurt of my youth was real. I know that it takes serious discipline and years of practice to not live in the past. I choose to no longer be defined by any childhood pain or negative memory and encourage you to do the same.

Live well and love yourself,

Mechele