Helping people when you are a people pleaser is like crack to a crack head; rescuing the helpless is a pleaser’s drug of choice.
Consider ambulance-chasing lawyers searching hungrily for the next accident victim to take to the promise land of insurance riches; the barristers’ motives for money are masked by the rush to aid the injured.
We frown upon these types of people, who take advantage of the weak and helpless, but people pleasers are no different. People pleasers often swoop down upon the emotionally injured like superheroes saving the weak and innocent.
Under the guise of service to others, pleasers love helping but often require lifelong praise and adoration in return for each costly act of kindness.
So how do you help people without encouraging the need to please?
Simply look for opportunities to serve many, instead of instances to serve one.
One is the loneliest number.
Would Mahatma Ghandi be so revered if he only liberated one lowly Indian? Not hardly. I’m not saying his effort wouldn’t be noteworthy, but to help only one person without the intention of the aid serving more is a little selfish.
Well actually, a lot. I should know. I used to love finding people in distress and dispensing my advice or opinion without considering whether or not my help was wanted, needed or served more than one. I was so focused on my misplaced passion for solving one person’s problem that I missed the whole point of service.
True service is not about helping one; it’s about helping many.
It’s easy to give that man begging in front of McDonalds a few coins to relieve your conscious and check off your do good quota for the day. It’s harder to think about how you can help integrate him back into society, if that is his desire. Or better yet, give him a kind word of encouragement coupled with a referral to a job, to feed his soul long after the sustenance is gone.
The answer to all of your desire, needs and wants, lies in helping more people.
Want to become rich? Help more people.
Want to grow your business? Help more people.
Want to have more love in your life? Help more people.
Want to stop being a people pleaser? Help more people without expecting anything in return.
It seems simple. And it is. I’m a people pleaser no more because in every encounter, I seek to serve more than one. It was a tough habit to break, but before I help anyone, I ask myself one question; How many people will be helped by my efforts?Just feeling good about helping is no longer enough for me to please myself. I seek to help many.
I may not out give Oprah, Bill Gates, Ghandi or M.L. King, Jr. in my lifetime, but I’m sure going to try.
Live well and love yourself,
Mechele