I am a relentless optimist. I think this one character trait has prevented me from slashing a few sets of tires belonging to the cars of a few former females that I thought were my friends; putting sugar in my ex’s tanks and participating in all matters of destructive behavior unbecoming to a lady.

How do I maintain this level of restraint and forgiveness? I learned it as a child.

As a child I discovered quickly, that I am not only the sum total of all my experiences, but how I respond to adversity and pain is more important that the adversity itself.

In other words are you consistently begging for someone else’s love or friendship and expecting little or nothing in return? Well, if you are… you’re begging for attention crumbs. 

Often women with low self-worth accept a portion of friendship and love (otherwise referred to by me as crumbs of attention) instead of demanding the whole respectful slice of bread from their group of friends, family or potential suitors.

It’s hard for a girl to recognize sometimes if she is starved for attention, so here is my handy guide to determine if you feigning desperation unconsciously.

“If you are listening to someone else complain and focusing on sympathizing with them, and agreeing with them in that moment, you are attracting more situations to yourself to complain about.”- The Secret

Think thoughts filled with complaints aren’t contagious? Think again. Words are powerful forces of energy, with the power to uplift or damage the speaker and the hearer.

Whoever said sticks and stones can break my bones, but words can never hurt me…is a liar and should be burned at the stake.  Although an affirmative thought is 100 times more powerful than a negative one, a negative complaint spreads faster and does more damage than its positive counterpart. Why? Because we don’t realize that most of our daily communication is filled with complaints and we’re conditioned to respond quickly to bad more so than good.

Have you heard this pathetic line during a breakup? “I really love you/like you but we can’t be together anymore. But you are going to make someone a wonderful wife.” Like this statement is some parting gift that will soothe the wound of embarrassment and loss planted into your breaking heart.

I’m a hopeless romantic. So I used to believe this hopeless crock of Sugar-Honey-Iced-Tea running loosely from the mouths of my former boyfriends. Now that my husband has helped me to heal my broken heart, 1 million times over, I can see the meaning of these words clearly.

Ex-boyfriend. Ex-lover.

Ex-jumpoff. Ex-coworker.

Ex-enemy. Ex-friend.

Ex-buddy. Ex-husband.

Are you constantly thinking about your Exes? Wondering if they’re thinking about you? Hate to burst your perfect bubble, but they’re not.

I assure you that the dreamy reunion you’re hoping to revisit won’t be pleasant. I think of all of my Exes as rocket fuel - particularly the bad ones. They’re the indispensable power source required to launch you into the stratosphere of success, but should never be used again when considering a safe and secure landing.